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“Oh, what about paper towel rolls?” my oldest added. “It didn’t feel that good, so I only did it once.”
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“Yeah, but it was on low, don’t worry,” he reassured me. I’d lost my deadpan expression the moment I picture my son losing his penis in a vacuuming accident. “OK, don’t laugh, but one time I put my penis in the vacuum hose,” my youngest said. Hey, who was I to judge? As a teen, I’d had an amorous moment or two with my favorite bottle of perfume, Love’s Baby Soft, which, if anyone remembers, was totally shaped like a dildo. As he spoke, my younger son nodded his head emphatically. Whatever is within reach, really,” he shared. Heck, I’ll use dirty laundry if it’s there. “Let’s see, there’s good old wadded-up toilet paper, towels, even shirts. Like machine gun fire, my eldest son listed his favorite masturbation props. I was in for a surprise with their answers. Naturally, I first turned to my husband and sons to learn more. More: Labiaplasty, vodka tampons and more scary teen “trends your kids are sick of hearing about Learning about socks, and laughing my ass off watching the Bridesmaids scene where a mom describes cracking her son’s comforter, made me curious about what other means boys employ to get their (pun intended) socks off. All it took was one time grabbing a sock that was hard as a rock and I was done. I swear I won’t even touch his laundry anymore. “Socks?” I had never heard of boys sexualizing slippers. “I don’t know about condoms,” my friend Tammy said, “but I found out my son Charlie was using socks.” Oh, well, OK,” was all I managed to say.Ī week later, while out for drinks with my girlfriends, who also had teen boys, I asked if that was normal. His hesitation should have been my first clue. More: This teenage girl just got fired for speaking up about inequalityĮven as my own sons grew, I didn’t understand just how resourceful boys could be, until I questioned my then-12-year-old about why he had a giant box of condoms in his bedroom. Like, so good I would make sure to climb that pole every morning and every lunch.” But one day when I climbed something weird happened. There was also a fair share of the more NSFW responses from “straight” men who told their stories of having sex with men, but we’ll let you explore those for yourself.“At first,” he explained, “I just climbed because I liked to see how fast I could get to the top. I have to say the big difference was the feel of stubble, and the more aggressive tongue action.” Meanwhile, one man wrote: “I frenched a guy in a very drunken game of truth or dare.
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“While selling Jell-O shots at the door during a holiday party, I let a big bear man kiss me on the cheek because he asked nicely, after I gave him a free Jell-O shot for buying like 10 of em.” “So I obliged and he slept well for the first time since the funeral.”Īnother straight man opened up about the time he worked as a security guard at a gay bar. His love life is in shambles so he didn’t want another gay man because he knew they would just ty to f**k him as part of the deal. Said he just needed someone to cuddle with for comfort so he could get a good night’s sleep. “Reason being – his dad had recently died and he had been sleeping poorly since (lives alone).